how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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