apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
