i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
