I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
