talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
