whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
