Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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