marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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