he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
