My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
