I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
