I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
