That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
