It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
