I think I won the penis lottery.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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