Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
