ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
