well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
