now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
