This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
