Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
