we have pet lesbian snakes
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
