3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
