TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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