Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
