You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
