Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
