They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
