Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
