So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
