The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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