he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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