I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
