They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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