At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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