K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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