Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
