You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he fucked my hip out of place.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
