i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
