My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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