The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
