no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
