Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
