I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
