I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Of course I have a pirate flag
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
