All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
