Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
