Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
