In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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