guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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