What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
