idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
