I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
