the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
